Nellys Oasis

As Rambo who was a raccoon strolled through the shopping mall he came across an onion ring which shimmered on the nearest table which was actually the furthest now because it had grown legs and ran to the other side of the café. Rambo pulled out his water pistol and shot at the table making it slip a crash into the automatic doors which only opened if you pushed them. Rambo dived and tripled somersaulted only to realize there was a sign above his head which he hit hard and felt to the floor and to add insult to injury the sign had fallen on his head bang! Rambo read the sign “mind your head”.

The raccoon picked himself back up and brushed him self down and set of to retrieve the  onion ring to his surprise the table was now coming towards him it spoke “ here take the onion ring its nothing but trouble” Rambo took it and went to eat it when an owl with a large candy cane and a goatee appeared don’t eat that doughnut its poisonous it was forget in the mountain of an evil seals layer called Derek it has the power to destroy the earth if eaten by the wrong person” Rambo butted in “ shut it if you took the time to think you would see I am holding an onion ring” “so you are sorry wrong person cya”.

Rambo put the onion ring in his pocket because everyone no’s a raccoon has pockets even this one. Rambo wandered aimlessly even though he new were he was going pound land where everything’s a pound, only he could never decide why everything was a pound in pound land because the last time he tried to buy everything in the store they tried to charge him £220.

Once again the owl appeared after he had read the script he realized that it was in fact a onion ring after explaining the dangers to Rambo he asked Rambo to deliver the onion ring to the pillow factory on the top of mount never sleep.

So Rambo set off to his house to pick up some essentials like a tea spoon never no when you might need a drink off tea some strawberry laces and his trusty friend hannibil hedgehog hanny for long and Johnson Zackary Ryan hedge for short.

They set off on there treactorus journey down the road to the paper shop so they could buy a portable door knocker you never no it could be usefully. By tea time they had reached the next village were they got the first glace of there newest enemy stood on a box to make him look taller was brain the evil crazy mouse yes he had almost won world domination “ive been expecting you” as he stroked his cat “we have no onion ring” “how did you no what I wanted” “narf! Erm I saw that sign above your head saying I want the onion ring” as brain turned round to check for the sign are fellow companions made a run for the bridge when they where suddenly surrounded by marsh mellowed shaped mice so Rambo bent down and put his kick ass headband on which said least K.Os of the year and pulled out the water pistol which he had filled with bleach and hanny pulled out his toy light saber which made gun noises when swung. So the fight commence and squishing was heard all around the village as the bleach melted the mice and hanny split them in half when the fight was done brain felled the scene on the back of an ant and Rambo said “love to stay and go camping but its peanut butter jelly time” and Rambo and hanny did the bop to the peanut song.

When the song finished the heroes swam to the other side of the river even though they were right next to a bridge.

By now they had reach the point where they had been walking for hours which they have explains a lot but hey life is like a box of chocolates you never no what your gonna get.

They had found them selves in the queen Victoria in Albert square where Peggy was cleaning her face because she couldn’t understand the fact her face was ment to have eyes ears mouth and a nose. Then through the doors a cloud of smoke appeared and Rambo and hanny drew weapons and prepare for battle only to see dot cotton walk through the smoke with a fag in her hand and a glass saying satins my son on it.

Finally after hitching a ride on Aladdin’s magic carpet the heroes reached the foot of the mountain where they met a female polar bear called artic which relates to a place were a polar bear would come from.

She was not from the north pole but a posh part of the same district as are other heroes but for some reason was very small but beautiful none the less she tagged along as she had been sent by the owl who had obviously had 2 many puff of the magic dragon .

They walked down the mountain because for some reason they had walked up the wrong mountain only then did Rambo have a plan I no if I lasso a strawberry lace across this fiery pit I mite be able to shuffle across it in a stylish way so he could impress arctic he said by to his faithful friend and he’s new crush.

He started to move along the lace only the heat was to much and it melted and Rambo started to fall into the fiery pit when from nowhere a noise sounded and Rambo stop in mid air then he found out hanny was swinging his light saber because boredom had set in and Rambo fell again this time a voice sang “El Nombre” and from the flames came banana man and drag Rambo to the other side before transferring his friends across to.

Now they had reached a fork in the road and there were three entrances one said hell the other heaven and the 3^rd said can’t decide lucky dip, out of pure curiosity they went for lucky dip and got hell fancy that.

Now they where deep in side the factory and where about to come face to face with the most pointless creation ever a door made out of jelly.

So hanny pulled out the portable door knocker and through it at down the mountain because he wanted a burgundy one and the one he was given was claret knocker so they had to find a way through the door as it was locked. Rambo decided that they would use hanny as a battering ram and run towards the door only to find that hanny was now stuck because the jelly had submerged his head into the door but hanny decided to eat the jelly making a big hole in the middle and they climbed through.

They had now reached the layer of the evil seal and saw the bin which the onion had to be disposed in. so Rambo did his triple summersault and was just about to slam dunk the onion in the bin when a voice said “I wouldn’t do that if I were you the onion rings power is that the person you love will love you back” Rambo suddenly change course so he could think about this on 1 hand he could make the polar bear fall in love with him or save the world. After 20 minutes of thinking Derek had got bored and captured are friendly critters in a web made of string. Now Derek had the onion ring and was going to use it to make the kings daughter fall in love with him and make himself king. The world was about 2 ends well as we no it anyway. Just as he was about to eat the onion ring pingu burst through the jelly and punched Derek and untied Rambo who ran over to Derek and kicked him in his manhood before chopping him up and put him in the bag. Rambo also was unselfish and decided if she liked him he woundnt need the onion ring so put it in the bin. When are heroes returned the owl through a big party which was also for Arctic’s wedding to dumbo. Rambo sat in the corner thinking what it would have been like if he had kept the onion ring and he sighed to himself “should have kept the dam onion ring” at this exact moment Clark the owl set a firework off which hit dumbo sending him to a parallel universe where he could not return from.

                                                             THE END

The day that Bobby died

 

In ingelton lead mines in a tiny burrow the radio sounded as the 7 o’clock alarm went off waking bobby badger who rose from bed dancing to mc hammer can't touch this like any normal person would, he slide across the floor and moon walked back again.

    As the song finished bobby went down stairs where Mrs. Shabba badger was cooking roast mouse as the two young badgers ran round the table only to realize when they run opposite ways they are bound to run into each other CRASH!! The two badgers were on the floor with stars and duck flying round there head.

     Breakfast was odd today apart from the fact they were having roast mouse at 7:15 in the morning as a chilling wind came from the oven. Bobby fort that’s odd the last time I can remember seeing cold air come out the oven his grandfather was struck by a train whilst on the boating lake.

       Anyway breakfast was over and the children were pack off to school and if the day was not weird at all when booby meet there teacher who was David attenbrough. As this was Bobby's greatest fear because he had been stalked by this man who kept putting his hand down his burrow stroking his wife who had bit his finger of and put it on the mantle piece.

      As Mr. Badger reached terminal 3 at Manchester because he was a pilot for vermin airlines today he would fly to Jamaica as it was the middle of June. The plane took of but it wasn’t an ordinary plane no it was in fact a heron with a cardboard boxes strapped to its back.

       Half way through the flight the plane was hit by a flying fish accept this was not a problem this is just how the plane is refueled smart idea I agree.

Final Jamaica was near as bobby could see an island surround by a large cloud of smoke. They touch down and reached the terminal where there was a Rasta owl sing don’t worry be happy also having a bong between versus. Bobby went and relaxed on the beach watching the Jamaica badgers strut there stuff whilst having a bud.

      When bobby badger returned to England later that evening to find out his wife had sent the kids to there aunties and had cooked a special meal it was garlic bread and cornflakes.

“err lets skip dinner and get to it” he flung everything off the table and placed the scrabble board down and the games started when a loud ticking noise was heard at the door so bobby went to investigate and saw assad the terrorist from crime watch planting a bomb in there home, so he put his coat on and strolled out and confronted assad who just ignored him so bobby took action and bit his ankle, only assad turned round and kicked bobby away.

      As bobby soared through the air he saw that a man was rolling down the hill with a relevant song playing. Bobby crawled over to the man and licked his face trying to wake him up but it wasn’t working. A shadow appeared above him and assad grab him by the neck and force a grenade down his throat and Bobby’s was to be taken from his family and friends as the priest finished Bobby’s coffin was lowered into the ground Bobby’s favorite song was played which happened to be rocket man by Elton john which no doubt part of him had spread to space. Also the planes bobby had worked with circled in the sky.

 

    Later that afternoon at the wake where people were comforting Shabba well all apart from 1 uncle Bart who fort he would sing karaoke to cheer everyone up only his choice of song was disrespectful as he chose sex bomb “sex bomb you’re my sex bomb” at this point every one had burst out crying only Bart fort they were crying because they were over joyed at his singing yet they weren’t they had been watching east enders and found out pat butcher had signed for 5 more years. The day ended after 3 hours in casualty because someone had had enough of Bart's singing and smashed him round the head with a glass.

 

In loving memory of Mr. Bobby Badger.

 

people who do as chemistry will understand this other wise its jst a funny pointless story

 

The body on ingleton.( the real version)

 

 

One morning john decided he would take a stroll around ingelton. Before he set off he rang mike mullet who believe it or not had a ginger mullet, mike answered

“You will definitely not die today even though today seems like a good day to die” after realizing he was thinking out loud he quickly decided he was going fishing.

So as john got to falls foot he saw Assad planting a bomb in the lead mines. Assad spotted john dancing on the stop. He pulled a sniper rifle out and locked on to john through the sight, as assad pulled the trigger a badger bit his ankle because assad ha accidentally planted the bomb in the badgers burrow. This forced the shot to go wide.

  At this exact moment Allison who also wanted world domination was about to push him off the cliff was shot in the leg this forced her to the fall to the ground nudging john down the cliff side, as john fell the sky’s opened and a relative song played it went like this “keep Rollin Rollin, Rollin” still john was plummeting down the hill.

   Also at this moment because it’s a long moment Allison’s phone rang it was ginger mike mullet “ive made a mistake he’s not part of the Russian mafia he’s part of the French mob so no one would believe him anyway” “well at this moment he is rolling down the hill aiming for assad” mike put the phone down in a polite manor and rang assad “is he dead?” “no he’s not dead he’s breathing but the badger that bit me is licking his face” mike said kill the god dam badger”.

So Assad grabbed the badger and put a grenade down its neck at this moment john became conscious and shouted “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!” boom the badger exploded. Now back to the main part of this story.

“John your alive!!” john pulled the plastic sword from the stone and threatens Assad who had sneakily shaken up a can of coke and sprayed it in john’s eyes. As john screamed mike had ordered an air strike but got confused an bubbles floated down to earth at this point Allison had rolled down the hill only she found her self trapped in a bubble unable to breathe she suffocated at the bottom.

John and Assad where now playing rock paper scissors, this would decide who the victim and the murderer where.

John picked paper and Assad pick scissors this meaning john would be the victim and Assad the killer.

So Assad snapped johns leg off and started to eat john as he finished an astroroid was heading towards earths. Because mike was fishing he did not notice this and it struck him on the head forcing him to hit the self destruct button for Assad who if you haven’t guessed is a robot, so he exploded leaving mike to take the blame for 3 murders.

Cum on footy seasons back and wot betta way 2 start than winnin 2-0 and going top of the league thnks 2 alphabetical order!!!

Steve Jones for goal of the season!!

As Mr T signed out as head of year this was the moment when everyone realized it was the end!!. as tears started around the drama studio, and people moved to say good bye to gd friends, comforting the people who's emotions were running wild.

as we no the family we'd all become a part of was to separate and go are separate ways, we stood at the top of the banking hesitating to go down as nobody knew what was to cum nxt. then to make more time pass say goodluck and bye to every1 for the 2nd and 3rd time.

as we slowly walked down the banking hoping for a reason to go bck to the top and start again which would come in the form of someone crying and we all felt it was are duty to ply the brother or sister role in are large family which would lose its characters to different colleges and subjects. hugging mr T, mrs H and Mrs Howlett slowly walking up the steps to the door turning round and picturing the fun times spent in it over the last 5 years wishing i would wake up and i had gone bck to the start of year 11 so i could have more great times with all the people i had come to love, i walked from the dim lit drama studio through the bright doors to outside wondering if id ever feel as wanted as i did as part of my year group. yet again we tryed to stall it by saying by 2 younger years. then i found myself outside the gates wishing i was on the inside watchin another year leave, as we walked dwn venables in are group losing people as streets appeared as every1 started on there own paths and journeys, i wondered if are paths would every cross again, at this moment i felt very alone and pessimistic about my future, some one saying if you had the chance would you go bck my answer would be yes because they are the best years of my life tht have jst passed! cya every1 wont forget a single moment because theve been amazing x x x x Keep in touch every1

Well the day of reckoning is apon us. i shall miss every1 well more or less every1 id rather 4get about ppl like jordan leeds, cara routh, jack handley etc, i will not 4get my time at park because ive met some amazing people who i hope i will stay friends with 4eva thos people no who they are and i may lose touch wiv some people but 1 day we shall all meet again 2 remanise days gon by!! in the words of mr orme yeh ya can, go and be who u wana be, dnt change 4 any1 because in the end its ur life no one else. bye bye Nelly ( u no were i am if u have any info on parties!!)

well the days finally cum 5 years have passed! i will miss everyone, plz leave a comment this is my online leavers books, god weve had sum good times